Friday, March 14, 2014

The Fearful War, By Leilani

Leilani has written a powerful war story.  She has created a character called Tom, who is a soldier in the war, and has written the story from his perspective.  Once she had finished her story Leilani chose to use Little Bird Tales to publish it.  Take a look at her finished work.

the fearful war from Kirsty Macfarlane on Vimeo.

As it is a little hard to hear on the movie here is a copy of her written work for you to read.

the fearful war.
I’m a soldier as dirty as can be, sleeping in filthy trenches makes me feel horrible about my decision.I made a choice and all I did was sign up for war.Man just think about how much I miss home and playing with my brothers and sisters.My pearents are disapointed in me.By the way my name is Tom and I’m 18.I am a boy and my training is the past.Today’s my birthday,19 is going to be my age and I’m In the french forces fighting against Germany.(Boom) a shell erupted and that was the sign that war starts now.The troop leader yelled “ Get up you rubbish bins It’s time for war” “But I have an annoucement who here is called Tom? “I am “ said  Talala “No I am” shouted Folau.The troop leader Checked their badges “NO you’re  not” shouted the troop leader. “Talala and Folau your such a disgrace” Then he checked everybodys badge then he checked mine “Tom you are the new troop leader” “ok” I said “ It’s time to run now” I yelled. “ahhhhhhhhhhhh”Guns shot through the sky,Shells fell from the Sky and many many people died.When I was running I realised that I missed running with Tamani,Jiuta,Jonathan and Nick.Suddenly i saw a german soldier with a sniper aiming for tamani I stared at the german then turned to Tamani. I jumped and shouted “Noooooooooooooooo” I pushed Tamani out of the way but he shot Jiuta in the eye.Me, Tamani,Jonathan and Nick carried him to the trencher and told the nurse to take care of him. Now that the war is over we can go home.I was wailing in the bus and Jiuta started walking towards the bus. I was so excited that I ran outside and hugged him.When we got home we had our delicious and tasty food.

The End

14 comments:

Rhonda said...

This is a great example of using beautiful precise language, Leilani. Remember to proof read and coeect your spelling.
From Mrs Kelly

Jadaleigh said...

I like way that when Jahrell covered his eye blood was coming down and it looked like real blood.

Cornelius said...

I like the way that Leilani had characters.

Taiala said...

I like the way she made the table have food.

cornelius said...

i like the way you that you use fullstops.

jadaleigh said...

WELL DONE Leilani you done a nice job on your story

Jahrell said...

WOW leilani I like the way you put doodils with your words.

Jahrell said...

WOW leilani I like the way you put doodils with your words.

falakiko said...

i like the way that leilan ues people for ow class.

matthew said...

I like the way that you use the picture to match the the words.

falakiko said...

that is cool.

Matthew said...

I like the that you use sound effects.

kalo said...

I like the way you put describing words in your story.

cornelius said...

I like the way you talked about ww1